Happy 45th Birthday To My Knight!

Happy Birthday Babe! I'm so blessed that God saw fit to joins us two, to be one. You are a Knight among men. You are my dream come true. I love you.



My poor Knight had to ump a little league game on his birthday. I, being the supportive wife that I am, went along. We all know how fans can be. I'm there to back him up and make sure no one gives him any trouble. They all know to behave when I'm around. Not that he can't stick up for himself, cause he does mighty fine on his own. I just like being there with him. Even though he's in the field and I'm in the stands. I hate to seem him go, but I love to watch him leave. ;o) Babe, you are one hot Blue. Who loves you Baby?! ;o)

For those that want to read more about my Knight's birthday celebration visit my family journal at: A Gland Into My World.

Great Expectations

For those that read my other blog, be be warned. I reposted this entry there. I don't know if everyone that visits this blog, visits my other one. I wanted to be sure that everyone got to read it. I feel it's an important topic. Too often, we do have great expectations...


Great Expectations
by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

"For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh."
~Ephesians 5:31

My wife and I spent the first year and a half of our marriage in Boulder, Colorado, where the winters are cold and electric blankets are standard survival equipment. We fell into a habit of snuggling under those blankets but forgetting to turn out all the lights. And every time, Barbara would say, "Sweetheart, did you remember to turn out all the lights?"

Usually I would hop out of our comfy bed and run barefoot through the 55-degree apartment, turning off light after light (that Barbara had turned on). But one time I got fed up and groaned, "Honey, why don't you turn out the lights tonight?"

Barbara replied, "I thought you would because my dad always turned out the lights."

Suddenly I was wide awake. It dawned on me why I had been suffering occasional minor frostbite for the past few months. And I shot back, "But I'm not your dad!"

We stayed up for a long time, discussing expectations-what Barbara expected of me and what I expected of her-with many of those expectations stemming from what we had imported into our marriage from our homes.

When we were married, for dinner I expected meat and mounds of mashed potatoes with butter cascading down the sides. Alas, it was not to be. Barbara leans toward exotic tuna casseroles and lots of other things I could not begin to identify.

Each partner brings a certain set of expectations into a marriage. When they are not met, the drought of disillusionment can dry up the dialogue in the streams of our conversation.

Marriage provides a relationship where two people can hammer out realistic expectations. No mate will ever fulfill all of your desires in marriage. There is only One who is capable of that.

Prayer:

Ask God to help you to be realistic in your expectations of others.

*Discuss:* What expectations of your mate did you bring to your
marriage? Which ones were met? Which ones were not? How reasonable
are they? If you haven't ever done so, why not consider sitting down
and communicating your expectations to your spouse?

Who Is Your Enemy?

Below is my devotion for today. I felt lead to share it. May you be blessed by it. I know I was.
Lady G~


Who Is Your Enemy?
by Dennis and Barbara Rainey


For our struggle is not against flesh and blood.
-Ephesians 6:12


A lot of jokes picture marriage as a battlefield. MS magazine once
advised: "Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy."

I would rather picture the entire world as the true battlefield and
your marriage as being God's smallest battle formation for winning
the war. In truth, your marriage is taking place on a spiritual
battlefield, not a romantic balcony.

Every married couple needs to understand the following biblical
principle:

Your mate is not your enemy.

Picture your marriage as two people joined together in a foxhole,
cooperating in battle against a common enemy. Take a good look at
your own foxhole. Are you fighting the enemy or each other? As a
friend of ours told me, "I was so busy standing up in the foxhole
duking it out with my husband that I had no time to be involved in
fighting against the real enemy."

Keep in mind that whenever you declare war on your mate, ultimately
you are opposing God Himself. You are rejecting the person He
provided to complete you, to meet your needs.

Here's a practical test to discover if you view your mate as an
enemy or as a fellow "soldier." Do you focus on the negative in your
mate or on the positive? When you marry, you're so caught up in your
new spouse that he or she can seem to do no wrong. But within 12,000
miles or 12 months, whichever comes first, you reverse the process.
You are now so focused on what your mate does wrong that you are
oblivious to what he or she does right!

I love Robert Lewis Stevenson's exhortation for us as we look at our
spouses. He says, "Make the most of the best and the least of the
worst."

Prayer:

That God would make you aware of the true battle and enemy you face
each day, and how you need each other on that battlefield.

Discuss: Who is your real enemy? Think back to times when you have
forgotten who your real enemy was-how did that impact your marriage
and family? Do you treat your mate as a partner or as an enemy?

Parents PLEASE Teach You Sons!

If you are a frequent visitor of my other blog: A Glance Into My World, please be warned that I posted this same message on both blogs. I felt lead to post it twice. Not everyone visits both blogs.

Let me start of by saying that I KNOW that parents ALSO need to teach their daughters. But I'm writing about the "sons" today. Because I'm getting sick and tired of hearing how rude and cruel some young men are. YES, I know that young ladies are too! But like I said, I'm focusing on the young men today. URGH!!!!!!!

Mom's we need to do a better job of teaching our sons how to treat girls. I'm saying moms, because we are their primary influence when they are young. Now, dad's you need to step up to the plate and show you sons how to treat young ladies. I say this to you, because once your sons are older, they need to be mentored by you, a grandfather, an uncle, a male church member, a caring neighbor or another "positive" male role model.

Soaring Amongst The Clouds has tennis twice a week at her school. Today the young man that made the rude comment last week, made another comment. *READ PREVIOUS POST HERE*He rolled up his short as high as they could go. The teacher asked him teasingly, "What are you doing? Roll those down they are too short." He replied, "Well, Soaring Amongst The Clouds wears short shorts." My Fair Maiden has the longest shorts in class!" She just couldn't believe that he was calling attention to her shorts and being singled out. Our Fair Maidens are modest. Ok, they don't wear turtle necks or skirts that touch the floor, but they are very modest. Not just in what they wear, but in how they speak and act. URGH!!!!! Now their mama, is another story. I want to go over there right now and wring that young man's neck!

As soon our dad gets home she's going to talk to him and see what if anything she can do about him. He's just giving her a hard time. She has tried ignoring him but that doesn't seem to discourage him.

My mom use to tell my brother, "You need to treat a girl like she's a rose petal. Treat them delicately." She told him this throughout his growing years. He died at 19, but let me tell you, girls LOVED him. I was 7 years his senior and my sister was 6 years his senior. Even so, you would think, poor guy, he didn't stand a chance. He did. He had charm, charisma and people were drawn to him.

I know that not everyone is like that, but we can teach our sons to be polite. To think before they speak. To be gentlemen. To help out and not sit there while a lady is trying to juggle bags. Moms need to give their sons opportunities to be young men. Let them help you carry the bags. Let them open the doors for you. Have them take the kitchen trash bags outside. Allow them to do "outdoor" work. They can weed, water the plants, cut the grass (if they are old enough). Give them the responsibility to take care of your indoor or outdoor pets. Allow them to clean your car, inside and out. Once they are old enough, allow them to pump the gas for you when your car needs gas. When you make the menu for the week, give him the opportunity to pick a couple of dinners for you too cook. These are only some ideas of what a mom can do to help their sons along.

Dad's there is so much you can do. One of the most important thing you can do is to LOVE and RESPECT your wife. This will set an example for him. When your wife gets home with the groceries, help her carry the bags. Better yet, carry the bags while she puts all the items away. When you are fixing the car, have your son help you. When you are doing yard work, get him involved. If you are working in the garage, let him give you a hand. If you are going to the hardware store or auto shop take him along. Spend time with him. Make sure he hears you edifying your wife.

Ladies, if you are divorced, I know it would be a little more difficult if dad isn't around. Allow the grandfather to be involved in his mentoring. If that is not a good idea, maybe a neighbor who has a son the same age or a church member. I knew this family who's dad had passed away. The mom had two young daughters and a young son (they were all under 10). The men of the church stepped up and mentored the young son. They included him in outings. They would invite him to baseball and basketball games. They taught him how to play ball. What a testimony all those men were to this family.

*NOTE: I'm not just saying this to moms and dads out there. This is ALSO a reminder to myself and my Knight. I know that it's sometimes easier for us just to "do it" ourselves. It takes TIME to show our children to "do things". But it's TIME WELL spent.

The most important thing parents can do is to PRAY for you sons. Let me share my prayer with you. You don't have to pray what I pray, but it's some of what I pray for my Squires. Oh, I pray this over my Knight too. ;o) This is in no particular order...

* for divine protection and perfect health
* That all behavior born out of hurt, rejection, or negative emotions/responses be healed
* Give him discernment, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, anointing, revelation, vision, faith and favor
* Create a desire and passion for God above all other things, wife and family next
* May he be a man giving of time, energy and prayer with accountability and follow through
* That he be man who submits, listens and obeys God with an insatiable hunger and thirst for God's Word, God's presence, and God's plans
* Search and know his heart, expose what is not pleasing and drive it from him
* Establish integrity in him, and guard his heart, mind and spirit with truth
* Give him courage to walk in that integrity too
* For his education, future mate, marriage, future children and generations to follow

Please keep in mind this is SOME of what I pray. The Lord will lead you differently. I did not "come up" with my prayer on my own. I'm not gifted with words. LOL! I learned from other moms and God leads me in my prayers. There are times that I think, "Wow, where did that come from? Cause that certainly isn't something I would say." Amazing how, when you open up to Him, He just fills you up.

I guess, I'm just trying to say, please remember your son is hearing and watching you. Be a positive example, not just for your's but others are watching too. Who knows, you could make a difference in someone's life.

Love Or Lust?

"The desire to love is to give. The desire of lust is to get."
~author unknown

I LOVE my Knight....

Battling The Temptation Of The Eyes

I know that this will probably ruffle some feathers. But I'm feeling lead to write about this. I know that this article talks about why men should guard their eyes. I'm here to say that women have to do the same too.

I know that I'm a visual person. I know we are all different. Praise the Lord for that! But I can honestly say that my eyes are for my Knight only. Yes, I see movies. Yes, I know that God created men handsomely. But I don't give a second glance. I don't entertain thoughts about other men. My thoughts are of my Knight. I'll even say this, when speaking with another man, I am careful not to look him in the eye. Like I've mentioned before, the eyes are the window to your soul. The only one that should be looking into my soul is my God and my Knight.

Ages ago, my Knight and I decided that we should guard ourselves and not be alone with someone of the opposite sex. That means, no lunch date with co-workers unless it's a mixed group and even then, not sitting next to the opposite sex. No riding in the car alone with the opposite sex. By guarding ourselves, we show respect for one another.

I want to respect and honor my Knight. I know that scripture tells us to do this. But that's not the only reason I do it. I do it because I love him.


Battling the Temptation of the Eyes
Dr. David B. Hawkins
The Relationship Doctor

"It’s okay to shop, as long as you don’t buy," I overheard a man say, chatting with one of his buddies at the gym.

"My wife gets a little rattled when I look at women," the second man continued, "but that’s her insecurity coming out."

"I don’t understand the big deal. I don’t see why they get so upset," the first added. "It’s all innocent fun."

Is that true? Are women fine with their husband’s ogling other women? Is it all innocent fun? Who’s having the fun, and how is it innocent?



My counseling experience reveals women hate it when their men look at other women on the street, on television, in magazines, or even on Internet pornography sites. Here’s a recent example from my counseling practice.

Beverly and John have been married twenty years, with three children in late adolescence. Their difficulties stem primarily from her increasing lack of security in their marriage, which is part of a vicious cycle involving John’s "innocent" interest in other women.

John describes himself as "a looker," but this has created greater insecurity for Beverly and has added to tension in their physical relationship.

John, feeling deprived and entitled to sex any time he wanted, has became resentful when Beverly insisted that their emotional relationship be strong in order to enjoy a strong sexual relationship. While she has never deprived James of a sexual relationship, the frequency has not been what he wanted, and he let her know he resented her for it. She has pleaded for him to stop watching other women, which he has continued to minimize.

They came to counseling hoping to end their vicious cycle, hoping to create a more intimate relationship, something they seem to have lost.

Beverly has tried to share her sadness and resentment about John’s behavior. She has explained to him that looking at other women was not innocent to her. James offered this response.

"Everyone knows men are visual, and it’s only natural for men to look. I’ve never cheated on Beverly. Guys will be guys. I don’t think she has any right to be upset about this. It’s not like it is our only problem."

Beverly countered, obviously exasperated and deeply hurt.

"I can’t believe he can say these things, and do these things, knowing how hurtful it is to me. I feel betrayed every time he leers at women on the street. I can’t compete with some of those women, and I’m not going to try. It just opens the wound back up again, and I want to push away from him even more. We’re caught in a vicious cycle."

Some time ago, in my book When Pleasing Others is Hurting You, I wrote about an old-fashioned concept -- chastity, and it is a concept we seem to have lost. Consider how this word and meaning may apply to men today:

Chastity —simplicity of affections, purity of intentions.

Can men "shop" as long as they don’t buy? No, because our affections need to be kept simple—on our wife. Can men look at the merchandise as long as they don’t touch? Of course not. Our intentions are not pure. Our fantasies are not pure.

In fact, I teach men that when meeting others of the opposite sex we send out a signal:

Green Light: Body stance is open, eyes are direct, conversation is
engaging. We are available for a relationship.

Yellow Light: Caution—however, let’s talk, flirt a little, and
possibly even move into a closer relationship.

Red Light: Stop! Don’t even think about it. I’m taken and I will
guard my boundaries vigorously.

Too many married men think they can flirt with danger, sending out yellow and green lights. They may even think their behavior is innocent when it is anything but that. We’re flirting with danger when we allow ourselves to take a second and third look at a beautiful woman. In the "yellow zone" we allow ourselves to be playful with women, talking flirtatiously. Taking the "look" further into the realm of pornography is particularly damaging to the "looker" and to their mate.

The Apostle James warns us about temptations.

"Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged
away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth
to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
(James 1: 14-15)

Stephen Arteburn, in his book, Everyman’s Battle, offers several lines of defense from temptation of the eyes. First, recognize that this attraction threatens everything I hold dear. Again, there is nothing innocent about flirting with danger. It leads to greater temptation and hurts your mate, damaging your marriage. Second, recognize I have no right to this. Other women are off limits. You are taken and belong to someone else. Third, heighten the red alert. See the dangers in this "innocent activity," and treat it like you would treat any dangerous situation.

What does this mean practically? It means that like John, we must learn to bounce our eyes off attractive women. We cannot afford our glances to become stares. We must avoid dangerous, flirtatious situations. Conversations with women can be friendly, but must give the distinct message, "This relationship can go no further, not now, not ever!"

Finally, we must honor and cherish our wives by letting them know they are who we want to be with. They are the one that excite us and our marriages are dear and valuable to us. Our energies, emotions and eyes are focused on them. We choose chastity -- to focus our affections and intentions on our mate with purity.

David Hawkins, Pd.D., has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. He is the author of over 18 books.

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

My Knight once told me, "Never judge a book by it's cover." We were only 16 at the time. How can someone be so wise at the age of 16? If you are interested in how we met and courted, check my entry called, How I Met My Knight.

He was different than all my guy friends. There was something about him. Even at that age, he had this presence about him. He was intelligent. He had a dry humor, uniquely his own. He was good in every sport. He had his private pilot license. At the age of 10 he was the one that did the budget for his family and paid all the bills. He knew how to have fun, but was level headed enough not to do something just for the sake of doing it. He had two jobs. He worked at Burger King and as a security guard. He knew how to enjoy his off time. Before he had a car, he would ride his bike to the beach. Which happen to be 11 miles away. Yep, he rode that on a ten speed bike. He was into martial arts. He was also quite the marksman. He was quiet and I'd even say shy. He was a young man of few words. But when he spoke, one would want to hear what he had to say. He had a way about him. I didn't take the time to look "inside" the book. I can't believe I almost let him slip through my fingers.

He didn't hang around with the popular kids in school. He had his lifelong friends and that was good enough. He started the Aviation club in high school. He was part of the honor society. For him there was no need to "belong" to what other's thought were the "in" clubs. He was fine being who he was. For him, honesty was the best policy. When he spoke the truth, it wasn't blunt, it was just matter of fact. He was right of course, but I was not use to that. I was use to things being sugar coated. People agreeing even though they really didn't agree deep down. In essence, I was use to people being untruthful. He was different. He was what I needed, but I didn't realize it.

He was a handsome young man. But I was judging him by what I saw, what I noticed. I didn't give him the chance to really get to know him. He was right, I should not have judged a book by it's cover. But God is good... ALL the time. He knew that we were meant to be. We had been given a third chance.

When we got married he was 19 and I was one week away from turning 19. So "officially" I was 18. This Spring & Summer my Knight and I will be celebrating our 45th birthday and our 26th wedding anniversary. I know many at our wedding were thinking, "No way is this going to last. They are too young. What's the real reason they are getting married so quickly? They are crazy!" The only ones who gave us their full support was my family. All I have to say is, that we have never regretted getting married so young. We have grown together as a couple. We have been there for one another every step of the way. We encouraged each other. At that young age, we knew our love was a special love. The one people dream of and hope for. We were blessed to have found it while we were young. We are even more blessed that we still have that same, dare I even say deeper love and understanding for one another.

My cup runneth over...

My heart's desire is for our children to be, even more blessed than what my Knight and I have been blessed with. For their marriage to have the unconditional love that is written in Scriptures. The unconditional love my Knight and I have for one another. May they be blessed tenfolds. May their children and generations to follow them be blessed too.