I know that this will probably ruffle some feathers. But I'm feeling lead to write about this. I know that this article talks about why men should guard their eyes. I'm here to say that women have to do the same too.
I know that I'm a visual person. I know we are all different. Praise the Lord for that! But I can honestly say that my eyes are for my Knight only. Yes, I see movies. Yes, I know that God created men handsomely. But I don't give a second glance. I don't entertain thoughts about other men. My thoughts are of my Knight. I'll even say this, when speaking with another man, I am careful not to look him in the eye. Like I've mentioned before, the eyes are the window to your soul. The only one that should be looking into my soul is my God and my Knight.
Ages ago, my Knight and I decided that we should guard ourselves and not be alone with someone of the opposite sex. That means, no lunch date with co-workers unless it's a mixed group and even then, not sitting next to the opposite sex. No riding in the car alone with the opposite sex. By guarding ourselves, we show respect for one another.
I want to respect and honor my Knight. I know that scripture tells us to do this. But that's not the only reason I do it. I do it because I love him.
Battling the Temptation of the Eyes
Dr. David B. Hawkins
The Relationship Doctor
"It’s okay to shop, as long as you don’t buy," I overheard a man say, chatting with one of his buddies at the gym.
"My wife gets a little rattled when I look at women," the second man continued, "but that’s her insecurity coming out."
"I don’t understand the big deal. I don’t see why they get so upset," the first added. "It’s all innocent fun."
Is that true? Are women fine with their husband’s ogling other women? Is it all innocent fun? Who’s having the fun, and how is it innocent?
My counseling experience reveals women hate it when their men look at other women on the street, on television, in magazines, or even on Internet pornography sites. Here’s a recent example from my counseling practice.
Beverly and John have been married twenty years, with three children in late adolescence. Their difficulties stem primarily from her increasing lack of security in their marriage, which is part of a vicious cycle involving John’s "innocent" interest in other women.
John describes himself as "a looker," but this has created greater insecurity for Beverly and has added to tension in their physical relationship.
John, feeling deprived and entitled to sex any time he wanted, has became resentful when Beverly insisted that their emotional relationship be strong in order to enjoy a strong sexual relationship. While she has never deprived James of a sexual relationship, the frequency has not been what he wanted, and he let her know he resented her for it. She has pleaded for him to stop watching other women, which he has continued to minimize.
They came to counseling hoping to end their vicious cycle, hoping to create a more intimate relationship, something they seem to have lost.
Beverly has tried to share her sadness and resentment about John’s behavior. She has explained to him that looking at other women was not innocent to her. James offered this response.
"Everyone knows men are visual, and it’s only natural for men to look. I’ve never cheated on Beverly. Guys will be guys. I don’t think she has any right to be upset about this. It’s not like it is our only problem."
Beverly countered, obviously exasperated and deeply hurt.
"I can’t believe he can say these things, and do these things, knowing how hurtful it is to me. I feel betrayed every time he leers at women on the street. I can’t compete with some of those women, and I’m not going to try. It just opens the wound back up again, and I want to push away from him even more. We’re caught in a vicious cycle."
Some time ago, in my book When Pleasing Others is Hurting You, I wrote about an old-fashioned concept -- chastity, and it is a concept we seem to have lost. Consider how this word and meaning may apply to men today:
Chastity —simplicity of affections, purity of intentions.
Can men "shop" as long as they don’t buy? No, because our affections need to be kept simple—on our wife. Can men look at the merchandise as long as they don’t touch? Of course not. Our intentions are not pure. Our fantasies are not pure.
In fact, I teach men that when meeting others of the opposite sex we send out a signal:
Green Light: Body stance is open, eyes are direct, conversation is
engaging. We are available for a relationship.
Yellow Light: Caution—however, let’s talk, flirt a little, and
possibly even move into a closer relationship.
Red Light: Stop! Don’t even think about it. I’m taken and I will
guard my boundaries vigorously.
Too many married men think they can flirt with danger, sending out yellow and green lights. They may even think their behavior is innocent when it is anything but that. We’re flirting with danger when we allow ourselves to take a second and third look at a beautiful woman. In the "yellow zone" we allow ourselves to be playful with women, talking flirtatiously. Taking the "look" further into the realm of pornography is particularly damaging to the "looker" and to their mate.
The Apostle James warns us about temptations.
"Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged
away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth
to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
(James 1: 14-15)
Stephen Arteburn, in his book, Everyman’s Battle, offers several lines of defense from temptation of the eyes. First, recognize that this attraction threatens everything I hold dear. Again, there is nothing innocent about flirting with danger. It leads to greater temptation and hurts your mate, damaging your marriage. Second, recognize I have no right to this. Other women are off limits. You are taken and belong to someone else. Third, heighten the red alert. See the dangers in this "innocent activity," and treat it like you would treat any dangerous situation.
What does this mean practically? It means that like John, we must learn to bounce our eyes off attractive women. We cannot afford our glances to become stares. We must avoid dangerous, flirtatious situations. Conversations with women can be friendly, but must give the distinct message, "This relationship can go no further, not now, not ever!"
Finally, we must honor and cherish our wives by letting them know they are who we want to be with. They are the one that excite us and our marriages are dear and valuable to us. Our energies, emotions and eyes are focused on them. We choose chastity -- to focus our affections and intentions on our mate with purity.
David Hawkins, Pd.D., has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. He is the author of over 18 books.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Never Judge A Book By It's Cover
My Knight once told me, "Never judge a book by it's cover." We were only 16 at the time. How can someone be so wise at the age of 16? If you are interested in how we met and courted, check my entry called, How I Met My Knight.
He was different than all my guy friends. There was something about him. Even at that age, he had this presence about him. He was intelligent. He had a dry humor, uniquely his own. He was good in every sport. He had his private pilot license. At the age of 10 he was the one that did the budget for his family and paid all the bills. He knew how to have fun, but was level headed enough not to do something just for the sake of doing it. He had two jobs. He worked at Burger King and as a security guard. He knew how to enjoy his off time. Before he had a car, he would ride his bike to the beach. Which happen to be 11 miles away. Yep, he rode that on a ten speed bike. He was into martial arts. He was also quite the marksman. He was quiet and I'd even say shy. He was a young man of few words. But when he spoke, one would want to hear what he had to say. He had a way about him. I didn't take the time to look "inside" the book. I can't believe I almost let him slip through my fingers.
He didn't hang around with the popular kids in school. He had his lifelong friends and that was good enough. He started the Aviation club in high school. He was part of the honor society. For him there was no need to "belong" to what other's thought were the "in" clubs. He was fine being who he was. For him, honesty was the best policy. When he spoke the truth, it wasn't blunt, it was just matter of fact. He was right of course, but I was not use to that. I was use to things being sugar coated. People agreeing even though they really didn't agree deep down. In essence, I was use to people being untruthful. He was different. He was what I needed, but I didn't realize it.
He was a handsome young man. But I was judging him by what I saw, what I noticed. I didn't give him the chance to really get to know him. He was right, I should not have judged a book by it's cover. But God is good... ALL the time. He knew that we were meant to be. We had been given a third chance.
When we got married he was 19 and I was one week away from turning 19. So "officially" I was 18. This Spring & Summer my Knight and I will be celebrating our 45th birthday and our 26th wedding anniversary. I know many at our wedding were thinking, "No way is this going to last. They are too young. What's the real reason they are getting married so quickly? They are crazy!" The only ones who gave us their full support was my family. All I have to say is, that we have never regretted getting married so young. We have grown together as a couple. We have been there for one another every step of the way. We encouraged each other. At that young age, we knew our love was a special love. The one people dream of and hope for. We were blessed to have found it while we were young. We are even more blessed that we still have that same, dare I even say deeper love and understanding for one another.
My cup runneth over...
My heart's desire is for our children to be, even more blessed than what my Knight and I have been blessed with. For their marriage to have the unconditional love that is written in Scriptures. The unconditional love my Knight and I have for one another. May they be blessed tenfolds. May their children and generations to follow them be blessed too.
He was different than all my guy friends. There was something about him. Even at that age, he had this presence about him. He was intelligent. He had a dry humor, uniquely his own. He was good in every sport. He had his private pilot license. At the age of 10 he was the one that did the budget for his family and paid all the bills. He knew how to have fun, but was level headed enough not to do something just for the sake of doing it. He had two jobs. He worked at Burger King and as a security guard. He knew how to enjoy his off time. Before he had a car, he would ride his bike to the beach. Which happen to be 11 miles away. Yep, he rode that on a ten speed bike. He was into martial arts. He was also quite the marksman. He was quiet and I'd even say shy. He was a young man of few words. But when he spoke, one would want to hear what he had to say. He had a way about him. I didn't take the time to look "inside" the book. I can't believe I almost let him slip through my fingers.
He didn't hang around with the popular kids in school. He had his lifelong friends and that was good enough. He started the Aviation club in high school. He was part of the honor society. For him there was no need to "belong" to what other's thought were the "in" clubs. He was fine being who he was. For him, honesty was the best policy. When he spoke the truth, it wasn't blunt, it was just matter of fact. He was right of course, but I was not use to that. I was use to things being sugar coated. People agreeing even though they really didn't agree deep down. In essence, I was use to people being untruthful. He was different. He was what I needed, but I didn't realize it.
He was a handsome young man. But I was judging him by what I saw, what I noticed. I didn't give him the chance to really get to know him. He was right, I should not have judged a book by it's cover. But God is good... ALL the time. He knew that we were meant to be. We had been given a third chance.
When we got married he was 19 and I was one week away from turning 19. So "officially" I was 18. This Spring & Summer my Knight and I will be celebrating our 45th birthday and our 26th wedding anniversary. I know many at our wedding were thinking, "No way is this going to last. They are too young. What's the real reason they are getting married so quickly? They are crazy!" The only ones who gave us their full support was my family. All I have to say is, that we have never regretted getting married so young. We have grown together as a couple. We have been there for one another every step of the way. We encouraged each other. At that young age, we knew our love was a special love. The one people dream of and hope for. We were blessed to have found it while we were young. We are even more blessed that we still have that same, dare I even say deeper love and understanding for one another.
My cup runneth over...
My heart's desire is for our children to be, even more blessed than what my Knight and I have been blessed with. For their marriage to have the unconditional love that is written in Scriptures. The unconditional love my Knight and I have for one another. May they be blessed tenfolds. May their children and generations to follow them be blessed too.
Friday, February 22, 2008
30-Day SEX Challenge
I'm sure by now many have heard of the pastor of a little church in Florida. He proposed a 30-Day SEX Challenge to his congregation. I'm sure this raised lots of eyebrows, I know that it did with me. I found this interesting. So I went to their site to check it out.
At first, my Knight and I thought, "What if you aren't married?". Well, he challenged those that aren't married to a 30-Days of Abstinence. Imagine that! What a concept! My other thought was, "What about those that can't keep up with the 30-Day challenge because of health reason?" Not that I have a problem with this. LOL! RABBIT CHASING: Years ago while we were in a couples Sunday School class, the subject of intimacy with your spouse came up. Someone mentioned something and I blurted out "Oh we don't have a problem in that department!". I still can't believe I said that! To this day (15+ years later) they haven't let me live it down.
RABBIT BACK IN THE CAGE: I want to be the wife, mom & woman God wants me to be. So aside from reading His Word, I read books and articles about being a better wife, mom and woman. I don't do it fore me, I do it for my loved ones. BUT, by doing it for them, it blesses not only them, but it blesses me too. By having a good and healthy relationship with my Knight, we are setting an example for our children.
This 30-Day challenge is not only a sex challenge. It's an intimate, soul searching challenge with yourself and your spouse. Can't get any better than that! God has a wonderful way of putting things together. The online devotions I received, all had to do with my entry's topic. It's not because it's been on the news lately, cause some of the devotions came from books that were already written. It's a God thing.
I'll share this one with you today...
Chemical Reaction
My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; that you may observe discretion.
-Proverbs 5:1-2
High school chemistry taught me a very valuable lesson: When certain substances come into close contact they can form a chemical reaction. I proved that one day during my senior year of high school when I dropped a jar full of pure sodium off a bridge into a river and nearly blew up the bridge. You'd think I would have at least had enough sense to step off the bridge!
"What I've learned since then is that many people don't respect the laws of chemistry any more than I did back then. They mix volatile ingredients without giving much thought to the explosion that could occur. In particular, many married people don't understand that a chemical reaction can occur with people other than their mates. Don't misunderstand me here-I'm not just talking about sexual attraction. I'm referring to a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.
"This is emotional adultery-an intimacy with the opposite sex outside the marriage. Emotional adultery is unfaithfulness of the heart. When two people begin talking of intimate struggles, doubts or feelings, they may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for the marriage relationship. Emotional adultery is friendship with the opposite sex that has progressed too far.
"Often it begins as a casual relationship at work, school or even church. A husband talks with a female co-worker over coffee and shares some struggles he's facing with his wife or kids. She tells of similar problems, and soon the emotions ricochet so rapidly that their hearts ignite and can ultimately become fused together as one. To those who have experienced it, this catalytic "bonding" seems too real to deny.
"You can take some steps to practice discretion in these matters. That's what I'll discuss in the next devotion.
Prayer:
"That God will give you wisdom and discernment to know when you might be risking a "chemical reaction."
Discussion:
In what situations can Christians find themselves committing emotional adultery?
By Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Moments Together For Couples
At first, my Knight and I thought, "What if you aren't married?". Well, he challenged those that aren't married to a 30-Days of Abstinence. Imagine that! What a concept! My other thought was, "What about those that can't keep up with the 30-Day challenge because of health reason?" Not that I have a problem with this. LOL! RABBIT CHASING: Years ago while we were in a couples Sunday School class, the subject of intimacy with your spouse came up. Someone mentioned something and I blurted out "Oh we don't have a problem in that department!". I still can't believe I said that! To this day (15+ years later) they haven't let me live it down.
RABBIT BACK IN THE CAGE: I want to be the wife, mom & woman God wants me to be. So aside from reading His Word, I read books and articles about being a better wife, mom and woman. I don't do it fore me, I do it for my loved ones. BUT, by doing it for them, it blesses not only them, but it blesses me too. By having a good and healthy relationship with my Knight, we are setting an example for our children.
This 30-Day challenge is not only a sex challenge. It's an intimate, soul searching challenge with yourself and your spouse. Can't get any better than that! God has a wonderful way of putting things together. The online devotions I received, all had to do with my entry's topic. It's not because it's been on the news lately, cause some of the devotions came from books that were already written. It's a God thing.
I'll share this one with you today...
Chemical Reaction
My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; that you may observe discretion.
-Proverbs 5:1-2
High school chemistry taught me a very valuable lesson: When certain substances come into close contact they can form a chemical reaction. I proved that one day during my senior year of high school when I dropped a jar full of pure sodium off a bridge into a river and nearly blew up the bridge. You'd think I would have at least had enough sense to step off the bridge!
"What I've learned since then is that many people don't respect the laws of chemistry any more than I did back then. They mix volatile ingredients without giving much thought to the explosion that could occur. In particular, many married people don't understand that a chemical reaction can occur with people other than their mates. Don't misunderstand me here-I'm not just talking about sexual attraction. I'm referring to a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.
"This is emotional adultery-an intimacy with the opposite sex outside the marriage. Emotional adultery is unfaithfulness of the heart. When two people begin talking of intimate struggles, doubts or feelings, they may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for the marriage relationship. Emotional adultery is friendship with the opposite sex that has progressed too far.
"Often it begins as a casual relationship at work, school or even church. A husband talks with a female co-worker over coffee and shares some struggles he's facing with his wife or kids. She tells of similar problems, and soon the emotions ricochet so rapidly that their hearts ignite and can ultimately become fused together as one. To those who have experienced it, this catalytic "bonding" seems too real to deny.
"You can take some steps to practice discretion in these matters. That's what I'll discuss in the next devotion.
Prayer:
"That God will give you wisdom and discernment to know when you might be risking a "chemical reaction."
Discussion:
In what situations can Christians find themselves committing emotional adultery?
By Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Moments Together For Couples
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Simply Romantic... Tips
I haven't posted one of these in quite a while. I figured it's time. :o)
TIP: Take a class together. Find a topic, hobby, or sport you both want to learn more about--and sign up!
My Knight and I have been married 25 years. Ah... I love saying that. :o) I guess it helps that we have similar interests. I guess it also helps that I'm sporty too. LOL! Through the years we've done so many different things.
He's always enjoyed photography. Even though I wasn't so much into it, I would still go with him and see him develop the films. I enjoyed watching him "play" with the different lenses and take pictures of what he found interesting. Just being with him was good enough for me.
We have played all sorts of sports: tennis, raquetball, snow skiing, windsurfing, bowling and softball just to name a few. He's always enjoyed playing basketball and football. When he played, I'd go and cheer him on. It didn't matter if I was the only wife there. I was there for my Knight and that's what mattered.
We use to cook together. That was always fun. But now our Fair Maidens are the ones that cook. I must say they do a great job at it too.
Putting a puzzle together is always fun and relaxing. During Summer breaks, we always have one out on the card table. Not only is it fun for the family, but once everyone else is asleep, it's nice to sit and talk while we are "puzzling". :o)
Once things slow down a bit, we plan on taking dancing lessons. I LOVE to dance. I know that we'll enjoy taking lessons together.
Any ideas you'd like to add? Feel free to post them!
TIP: Take a class together. Find a topic, hobby, or sport you both want to learn more about--and sign up!
My Knight and I have been married 25 years. Ah... I love saying that. :o) I guess it helps that we have similar interests. I guess it also helps that I'm sporty too. LOL! Through the years we've done so many different things.
He's always enjoyed photography. Even though I wasn't so much into it, I would still go with him and see him develop the films. I enjoyed watching him "play" with the different lenses and take pictures of what he found interesting. Just being with him was good enough for me.
We have played all sorts of sports: tennis, raquetball, snow skiing, windsurfing, bowling and softball just to name a few. He's always enjoyed playing basketball and football. When he played, I'd go and cheer him on. It didn't matter if I was the only wife there. I was there for my Knight and that's what mattered.
We use to cook together. That was always fun. But now our Fair Maidens are the ones that cook. I must say they do a great job at it too.
Putting a puzzle together is always fun and relaxing. During Summer breaks, we always have one out on the card table. Not only is it fun for the family, but once everyone else is asleep, it's nice to sit and talk while we are "puzzling". :o)
Once things slow down a bit, we plan on taking dancing lessons. I LOVE to dance. I know that we'll enjoy taking lessons together.
Any ideas you'd like to add? Feel free to post them!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Because Of...
......................... the example he set before me, I...
................................... married my Knight.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Have I Told You Lately That I Love You...
Have I Told You Lately That I Love You
~Rod Stewart
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles thats what you do
For the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter
And somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles thats what you do
Theres a love thats divine
And its yours and its mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles thats what you do
Theres a love thats divine
And its yours and its mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one
And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles thats what you do
Take away all my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles thats what you do
Take away all my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles thats what you do
Saturday, December 8, 2007
A Lifetime With You
My Dearest Knight,
As I write this you are 250+ miles away. You've been gone 11 hours and I feel like you've been gone a lifetime. I miss not having you with me. We have spoken on the phone a couple of times and it comforts me. Not that the conversations were important ones, for we just talked about little things, but just the sound of your voice fills my heart with joy.
I know that you'll be back tomorrow, but tomorrow is still a long ways ahead. When you aren't here, it's hard for me to sleep. Not because I'm scared or lonely. It's just that I love being with you. I love knowing that I can reach out and you are there. You are there for me to goose (grinning), kiss, caress, hug, talk to or just to look at.
I cherish our time together. We've been married over half of our lifetime. I'm looking forward to what God has in store for us. May the best of our past, be the worst of our future.
forever yours...
Your Lady~
"I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone!"
~Arwin
As I write this you are 250+ miles away. You've been gone 11 hours and I feel like you've been gone a lifetime. I miss not having you with me. We have spoken on the phone a couple of times and it comforts me. Not that the conversations were important ones, for we just talked about little things, but just the sound of your voice fills my heart with joy.
I know that you'll be back tomorrow, but tomorrow is still a long ways ahead. When you aren't here, it's hard for me to sleep. Not because I'm scared or lonely. It's just that I love being with you. I love knowing that I can reach out and you are there. You are there for me to goose (grinning), kiss, caress, hug, talk to or just to look at.
I cherish our time together. We've been married over half of our lifetime. I'm looking forward to what God has in store for us. May the best of our past, be the worst of our future.
forever yours...
Your Lady~
"I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone!"
~Arwin
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